By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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