drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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