i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
