I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
