his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize