Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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