My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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