Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
