You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
