There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
