she woke up with a sticky ear
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
