was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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