Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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