I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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