and you said cock pushups were impossible
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
