Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
