dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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