know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
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Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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