i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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