it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
