No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
