I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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