Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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