Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize