he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
