I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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