He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
