I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
