I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
