I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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