god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
