GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
