last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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