I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
