How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
