we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
