maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
