If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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