Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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