im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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