Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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