Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
