it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
