see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
