Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
