he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
