Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
