Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
