Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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