Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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