If i come over, it means nothing
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
