She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
