God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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