That's intense
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
