Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
