Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
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Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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