Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm getting married
To pizza
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
