There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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