I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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