id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
