is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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