dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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