Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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